A
new friend, after a brief chat said “my regards to your wife and kids” as
a parting shot. Before I could explain
to him in my modest words, another guy just cut in “it’ll make more sense if you send
those regards to cockroaches and rats in his room because he neither has a wife
nor a kid.” Yekpa! All I left
the scene with was a lame grin. I went back to my cockroaches and rats; after a
thought for a while I see no reason why my decision should change so suddenly
especially because someone who doesn’t care about what I think of marriage made
a joke out of my bachelorhood.
The
rate at which people ask me when I will be getting married these days is
embarrassingly becoming a thing of concern to me.
Imagine
someone just walked up to me and run some calculations of my age and how old I
will be before my first child will graduate from university, how I will have to
pay their school fees out of pension, how old I will be before my kids will get
a job after school, and so on. This is true and I can’t agree less that it is not
a good idea to marry late but why not listen to my calculations that’s more
mental than your figures first, maybe you would have the guts to turn that
calculator on by the time I finish.
Here
in the north, the moment a boy or a male child (which ever one you choose apt)
is biologically ripe to have feelings for female; he will be given a girl to
marry especially when he has something doing to put food on their table. All
other things as Emotional Maturity, Compatibility, and the likes are but
secondary. After all, his female counterpart too dare not dream of crossing her
Silver Jubilee Birthday under her parents’ roof as she might be considered too
old for any eye-catching young boy, safe she’s ready to be a third or fourth
wife. I like this idea too because it has, in its little ways helped to reduce
the rate of juvenile immorality or at least, militate against its
glorification. I also have my reservations here though.
The
truth is, I love to get married too and on time. As a teenager, my target was
25 but the closer I hustled past that age without even noticing it, I have more
reasons to be patient the more. Now I am closer to 30 than 25 and no sign in
sight to justify my readiness to say “YES! I do” safe for some unreasonably
sensual BBM chats, SMSs, and midnight calls. I know it’s a rocking chair; it
gets me busy but takes me nowhere. I still have reasons for being a bachelor
still, which to me are reasonable so, change my pattern of thought first before
you talk me into getting married.
What’s it about Marriage
even if…?
The
rate at which marriages collapse now in our society is so alarming. My
estranged neighbor sent his wife parking the other day and feels so proud to
tell anyone who cares to listen to his tale of freedom from bondage of 17
years. I won’t doubt it if I were told that he gave a testimony about it in his
church. With his level of excitement, I also won’t be surprised if he throws a Divorce Parties and invite friends and “well-wishers”
to celebrate his divorce anniversary next year; he might even choose aso-ebi,
hire a hall, invite a popular musicians, and sorts.
I
fear, questions like "So when are you getting divorced?" will soon
become commonplace. If marriage is such a sweet experience, why is the rate of
divorce on the high side?
The Points are…
If
I know I can't handle the weight & pressures of marriage, why won’t I
remain single?
If
I don't know what joy is in marriage, “abeg” let me remain single until I do.
If
the only reason you ask me to get married to that lady is because of the things
you think I’ll gain from her, “biko” allow me to remain single.
If
I know I can't be faithful, why should I be married?
If I
can't endure insults from her, don’t you think I should remain single?
If I
can't forgive her wrongs, even her extra-marital affairs, please get me a soft
heart while I remain single.
If I
can't place her above every other human being, why ask me to marry anyways?
For me ooo…
I won't get married out of
desperation."All my friends are getting married" is the most foolish
reason to get married! I desire a successful home, so the choices friends make
are not forces to reckon with, don’t you think? So be very mindful of where you
go for advices as many would give, but not many mean well.
So Guys…
If
you know you can't put your wife ahead of your ego, please remain single till you're
mature. Your woman should be the priority and EVERYTHING else including you
comes last. You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard, the role model. You
are not a deity or God to expect to worship. Yes you need respect, so earn it
by being responsible!
And Ladies…
If you
know you can't be faithful, submissive, and soft-hearted please don't go into
marriage to avoid being turned to a punch bag. Mrs. I know it all, if you know you
can't stand being corrected, please remain single ooo. Ladies check your
domestic scorecard - if your score is not improving by up to 15% per annum, I
advise you please remain single. Be ready to balance your husband’s income with
your taste or be ready to work to support him; else don’t walk down that isle
with him.
Now
you see why I still make my bed every morning, cook and dish my food, wash my
clothes and dishes, and why kids are not disrupting my nap yet. But I bet,
soon, very soon I will take the plunge; good or bad, for Better For worse. I
cherish family life dearly. So help me God!
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